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Monday, September 8, 2014

New Beginnings


Dedication to you! J

Let me be dreamy half-conscious,
I may not be able to take it,
Gulp it inside,
Absorb this feeling,
React to the present…this moment.

Let me be half- awake,
I’ll pass this time thinking it’s a dream,
You and me,
That imagination seemed vague,
Unreal… Unbelievable.

Let me be abstracted,
Because if I pay attention,
My heart would skip beats.
The awe could cut it across
Like a hot knife through butter.

Let me be comatose,
A dull heart, troubled and on the run being,
For whom love remains quixotic.
Let the inertness slowly cease,
So it ceases and eases the mess from the past.

Let me be passive and dopey,
So whatever I hear goes straight to the subconscious.
It’ll help me restrain myself
From the very thought of you.
That can churn my existence…

Let it all be slow…
Like me reaching out to the twilight zone.
Where “We” exist together
In ways that seem unimaginable.
Where the carnal meets the moral,
And concupiscence unites with the divine.

When the materialistic will combine with the spiritual,
That will be the time we hold hands,
Take vows,
Exchange rings,
And move on a path to become one.
To coalesce you & me as “We”.

That will be truly, a New Beginning. J

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Turning Back

Turning back to you
To burn to sink
The burden of your love.

Turning back to you
Once again
To make sure that
you’re still looking away.

Being sure that there’s no one
Who I could wait for.

Being sure, just in case
I had missed anything
To stay for.

Turning back and watching
My house of sweet woven dreams
Burn down to ashes
By our miserable fate.

Turning back to walk from
the funeral of our love
shutting the gates behind me
to experience a new beginning.



(*This is an incomplete post. I was wanting to give it a proper end before posting it. But I have written something new and cheerful…so there’s no turning back I guess! I know now, some things are better left unfinished. Happy reading everyone!)



Tuesday, July 8, 2014

That Face I Never Saw



That face that I never saw
was the one that ever mattered.
It was that one that had to make me
Sleepless, & yet totally carefree.

People call it being foolish,
But I don’t know why
This madness was everything to me.
I thought you like that innocence,
But didn't have any idea you had different plans.

With every drop of tear
That rushes from my eyes,
I feel a little less in existence.
I hope you at least come to see
What you've made of me.

The wrong person you chose I suppose
To kiss, kick & play,
& there’s a place in my little heart,
Where forever you are going to stay.

Blinded by faith I gave up
On the last piece of instinct,
My rationale-you!
This world was for us,
Then why is it just me now…
What’s it for me.

This life was yours…
That I breathed every day.
Now when you have chosen
To give it to another one,
Please take my breath away.

Faith is not a fault
And neither is care.
I secretly hoped
At least that bond was there.

But you proved me wrong!
Why for?
What went wrong?

What fault did you punish me for,
I wish you made it clear.
‘Cause this silence of yours, my love,
Is not easy to bear.


Thursday, November 28, 2013

My Life has changed



My Life has changed
I don’t know for the better or the worse
It has, that’s all that really matter
And it’s all I really crave.

Stuck is the word for me
For my life has been a prison
A cage
I feel trapped inside it
Like a tiny helpless bird.

This bird was so full of energy
Listening to stories of the spider
Who climbed the wall the 21st time.
She is tired of this energy
It has been exhausting to constantly
Being in the circle of trials & failures
Hopes & crashes.

The crushingly heavy weight of self motivation
Coupled with determination
And the light & unpleasant aftermath
Of a massive heartache, hard blown
Like a tight slap across the face
Waking up to the reality of things the way they are.
There is a silence in my heart
Serenity that is grinding inside
A peace that breaks me inside out
Churning my instincts
To question my presence.
To question the value of my existence.

I was an open book & that I regret lately
I want it to be closed forever
Chapters forgotten
Prayers unanswered
Words unspoken
Feelings unexpressed

Need to diminish my actuality to the point
Where my existence as a being ceases.
No, it’s not self assassination,
But only a process of self transformation
Transforming back to the state where
I was nothing but air.
Air & dust is not the same thing.
Dust is the future, air is the past.

I want to be that part of the past where
I wasn't the bird, or the book, or the trapped soul
But, only air.
That cannot be caged.
That cannot & need not be read.
That cannot be trapped.
That no one can see.


Monday, November 4, 2013

Deep Dullness



Lone & forgotten creature, got nothing really to do,
So I wake up all night, keep thinking about you.

Life turned funny, & I turned rude,
& like a worm in the apple, Oh Gosh I just screwed.

Last night I was a poet; today I’m just a moron,
Writer by hobby, brooder by profession.

The dreams were so high, & I had worked so hard,
I proved myself, & then just fell apart.

Incomplete poems, & undone dreams,
Tears that cut like a laser beam.

Unspoken to & forever alone,
My life has turned out to be an unpicked phone.

Vocabulary murdered, skills lost,
I think my life has double crossed.

Angry…
Tired…

Lone !!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

From the library of my heart



Stuck in a moment of anguish,
A melancholist was I;
Was shattered into pieces when you came;
I don’t know when you pulled me out,
I don’t know…

You taught me how to LIVE my life (smiles…!),
That misery is not forever,
That laughing is the best to help;
I don’t know when you pulled me out,
I don’t know…

The most unreal side of me;
I was pretending for how long it could be;
Without the slightest hint,
I was changed for the better…

I don’t know how to thank you,
I don’t know how to show,
The thing I have inside of me,
You don’t know…

I don’t know how to show this,
The love that’s guiding me now;
Couldn’t believe I could make it,
But blessedly somehow…

I don’t know what to wish for,
But I know that this care,
Will remind me of what I truly am,
When you’re not there…

I running short of words now,
Short of memories,
Short of feelings,
Short of ways to express,
What I really want to…

But I never knew,
That friendship could have this ecstasy;
An ecstatic rhythm driving me,
Pushing me to push every negative thought away…

Thank you for making me ME,
I never wondered I could be;
Thank you for all the times we had,
I thought I never wanted all this;
Thank you for the love & care,
It will remind me when you’re not there;
Thank you for as I’ll miss myself,
And for everything you did & you do,
Because I’m leaving that girl I had become,
Always & forever with you…!!

Dedicated to the best thing I ever had…
The group that was mostly an unexpected & yet one of the most beautiful realities that happened with me..
I am seriously going to miss this thing more than anything because I know this is one of those few things that I will cherish till my deathbed…
Even if I pour my heart out there nothing that can replace the good as well as the little fighting times we had…
I LOVE YOU ALL…MY LOVELY FRIENDS..!! <3 <3

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Waiting.....



Sitting on a pile of broken dreams,
Pieces of me fallen here & there,
Each showing a different aspect of my wonderful imagination…
One spoke of childplay & another of the foreplay…
Cute me, Shy me, Naughty me, Romantic me…
All in ashes today…

There’s a mystery about the way it all got destroyed
Gradually killing me like a dagger cutting my chest…
Lost my mind & all the memories of happy days that once existed…
Whether in reality or in my head…

Footsteps…my own footsteps missing,
No way to turn back & walk in those paths that have been travelled,
No way back into the warmth of similar events,
‘cause whatever confronts me now is the staunch reality,
Breathtakingly brutal…the murderer of innocence.



Future is either not in this cruel world,
Or just so far away that he can’t reach for my hand.
I see him looking at me from the broken mirror of my dreams,
Looking at me from the other side of the universe…
But the gap is too large, between fantasy & material reality…
Only he could save me.
Every sacrificial lamb has its last ray of hope.
Before the ultimate sway, I cry for you in pain…
Come soon my love if you may,
Or pray that I shall come soon to you…
Waiting…!!